5 Common Mistakes Made by Amateur Negotiators

Overview

Negotiation. It is a skill that when mastered is nearly unrivaled in its capacity to increase the velocity of success in almost all facets of your life. However, achieving a professional caliber status at the craft of negotiation is not easily attained. Most people don’t feel the need to put the time, effort, or energy into improving their craft of negotiation because they see negotiation as a skill required more in the field of sales, CFOs, or attorneys. While those professions do require a regular utilization of this skill, negotiation is by no means relegated to the exclusive use of those job functions.

• Do you ever want a raise? Negotiation
• Do you ever want a promotion? Negotiation
• Do you want to buy a house? Negotiation
• Want to have a happy relationship with a significant other. Negotiation
• Want to have kids that don’t grow up to be shit heads? Negotiation
• I could go on, but I think you get the point.

Negotiation is for Everyone

At The Upward Spiral Group, we feel that negotiation is an absolutely necessary skill for everyone who wants to get the most out of life. However, negotiation is not an easy skill to learn. While negotiation is formulaic to a degree it is more of an artform than anything else. Like any other skill, negotiation is a craft that requires study, practice, and humility to get better.

Cody Strate recently sat down with Davin Marceau on The Upward Spiral Podcast to discuss Davin’s take on some of the common mistakes he sees at the negotiation table, and out came Ep. 47 – 5 Common Mistakes of Amateur Negotiators. Davin, an Army Ranger turned COO, is a master negotiator who has put in the work to become world-class at the craft of negotiation.

Before we go any further Davin would tell you is that if you really wanted to improve your negotiation prowess that you should pick up the wonderful book “Never Split the Difference” by Chris Voss. Voss’s book stands as one of the best and most practical guides to becoming a formidable negotiator, and Davin has had the opportunity to negotiate with the man himself (FYI he openly acknowledges he had his ass handed to him). Now that our acknowledgement of Chris Voss is out of the way let’s press on.

5 Common Mistakes of Amateur Negotiators

Davin has done hundreds of high stakes professional negotiations with customers, partners, vendors, and employees. When I asked him about mistakes he commonly sees that serve as the tale-tale signs he’s working opposite an amateur negotiator, he did not hesitate in coming up with his list.

1. Negotiation Vs. Bargaining | There’s a Difference
2. Lack of Preparation
3. Getting Emotional
4. A Lack of Self-Awareness
5. The Fallacy of Reciprocity

Negotiation Vs. Bargaining | There’s a Difference

Bargaining is different from negotiating. Bargaining is when you focus in on a singular item, such as price, and work exclusively around that one point. Conversely, negotiation is when you factor in numerous elements into the equation and the flow of the negotiation will dictate a rise or fall in the relative importance or value of these various factors. In other words, bargaining is rather myopic whereas negotiation is the simultaneous management of many elements.

Lack of Preparation

Anyone operating at a professional level puts in the time to gather information and practice numerous scenarios before entering into an event. Negotiation is no different. If you want to perform well, you should do the following in advance of your negotiation event…

• gather as much info as you can
• sort out the various contingencies that could occur
• create plans for the different contingences
• understand what you really want
• understand what’s valuable to your counterparts
• role play

What is most important is that you keep in mind what you really want vs. what you really don’t want, while being mindful of what’s valuable to your counterpart. This will help keep you oriented when plans go awry as they often do.

Getting Emotional

Whoever gets emotional first and loses their cool loses. People who are acting on emotion are not thinking clearly. They lose focus, they forget what’s really important, and they exclusively see things in the near-term. If you are not thinking clearly then you can’t negotiate towards the best outcome. Getting emotional is easy in negotiations; you are human after all. However, if you do find yourself getting emotional take a few deep breaths, or feel free to ask for a time out. Collect yourself, and remember what’s really most important to you, and what you’re after.

A Lack of Self-Awareness

All too often people are woefully lacking in self-awareness, and they don’t have any idea how the world perceives them. Getting outside of yourself is not an easy task, but if you want to be a good negotiator you must be self-aware. Do you fidget? What do you do when you are nervous? Do you lean on “crutches” in conversations like saying “umm” and “you know what I mean” too much when you’re off?

Davin described his own struggle with this in that he’s a big guy with a resting face that’s, shall we say… “less than warm and comforting”. What I really mean to say is that Davin’s resting face has that “I’m angry and possibly considering violence” kind of look. Of course, I’m kidding, kind of, but the point is that his resting face could make people feel uncomfortable, and he has to be consistently consciously aware of this.

The Fallacy of Reciprocity

Yes, it is natural according to human nature to act with reciprocity to those that do us favors. However, in a negotiation reciprocity is not always a given. Just because you offer something to your counterpart does not mean they will be compelled to act in kind. Giving away something of value in hopes your counterpart will reciprocate is folly.

Conclusion

Negotiation isn’t about getting what you want, it’s about making the other person want what you have. Negotiation is an art and a science that can be mastered by anyone willing to study the craft and practice. Negotiation is anything but easy, and apart from public speaking, and death, can be one of the scariest experiences people have. However, if the craft is learned and performed well it can play a vital role across a multitude of facets in your life to advance you forward.